Divorce

I know that blogs are full of happiness and rainbows and butterflies but sometimes life is just not that way. I have been blogging for a while and have been letting you all into my life for all this time and just can't seem to leave this post out as it is completely on my mind and is my life right now. Pedro and I have started our paper work to make our divorce finale. We have been separated for 2 1/2 years so we knew this was coming and it has not been a fight at all. I am grateful for that. It does seem pretty surreal however. I guess I never thought in a million years I would get a divorce. I never wanted to be that girl. I guess no one ever does. I'm grateful to be in a good place with Pedro. We are not friend friends right now but I know that with time we will be. We don't fight and we don't hate each other and I most definitely see this as a blessing. We do have 2 great kids that need the both of us and it is our job to work together to raise them right whether we are together or apart. Pedro has been carrying the financial burden all this time and will continue to until Bella is in school. I can't be more grateful for that. He has allowed me to stay home with my babies and raise them just as I had always wanted to! He could give me no greater gift! I have indeed been blessed! I also know that I am ready to be divorced. I have gone through these past 2 1/2 years being perfectly content with being at home with the kids and hanging with my friends and also taking the time to get myself straight and in a better place spiritually, physically, and mentally. I know I needed this time to myself to grow and rediscover who I am and what I want out of this life. My emotions have mellowed out a lot in this time, maybe that's just me getting older. I have also started to feel that pull to move on and for sure want to be loved again. I have never noticed all the people that are in love around me so much as I have in the past 2 months. Strangers really holding hands as they walk on the beach, couples in the temple or the church pews with their arms around each other and even people on dates at the movies. I'm pretty sure this is the universe talking to me saying I need to get on with my life and open myself up again and fall in love. Is it possible? I don't know but I don't really like the alternative either! So with a divorce date in the near future I am sad that I have lost a love that will never end but also never be back. I am happy that I will be able to move on. So bottom line I feel these two strong emotions that are complete opposite one from another and I guess that's what inspired me to write this down!

Bella's blow out!!

This weekend I decided to straighten Bella's hair. I thought it was going to be a major project, she does have a lot of hair and it's super long and super thick and super curly. She is the Diva so I was afraid she was going to freak on me, but she didn't! It wasn't bad at all! We started Saturday night after the bath by me blowing her hair dry with the low dryer and brush and it got pretty straight! Then on Sunday morning before church I used a straightening iron to really get it straight. It turned out so nice and was so long and she was pretty in love with her hair! I may do it again in the near future!

These are Saturday night pictures and it's pretty straight right?

Look at this girl. Could she be any cuter, sweeter, prettier? I think not! I am really in love!

The Birthday Bash!!

Party People!

Xavier and Bella blow out their candles.

Bella opening her presents very carefully.

Lexie and Xavier.

Bella and Xavier.

Wes in my sun hat!

Xavier splashing in the water.

Bella and the kick board, her new favorite thing!!

Jenn, Joanne, Wes and I soakin' up the sun!

The party place.


So this is the last post about the kid's birthday's I promise! When you have two birthdays 3 days apart it gets a little crazy! We celebrated the kids birthdays together at the lake. We did it last year and am going to do a repeat as many years as the kids will allow it! The lake is the perfect spot for the party! You really don't have to do any entertaining cause the sand and water and the playground do all the work for you! As you can see I had plenty of time to relax and sun tan! What a perfect day! Thanks to everyone for coming and partying with us and for all the gifts! We had a great time and can't wait to do it all oer again next year!!

Happy 4th Birthday Isabella

Bella and her girlie Lego set.

She loved the clothes Grandpa got her.

Princess Belle Barbie.

Princess Cinderella

Party stuff.

Bella's mini cake.

Bella is 4!! I can not believe it!! She is already a handful at just 4. The things that come out of her mouth are so divaish already I am terrified for her to hit her teens! She is also the most loving girl that ever lived! She likes to cuddle and help in any way that she can. I don't know what I did to deserve not one but two amazing children! I am thanking my lucky stars for them for sure!! Bella was priceless opening her gifts. She would unwrap them and the say "Oh it's so beautiful" "This is the best present I've never seen before" Then she would pose for a picture and put it down gently and move on to the next gift that was just as beautiful and amazing! She is such a joy to watch! She is a big girl now! Happy Birthday Bella, I love you!!!

I love to see the Temple

As you all know I was recently endowed at the end of April, I keep saying recently and I still think that I still qualify, right? Anyway I usually try to get to the temple twice a month. And I usually go on Saturday mornings when Pedro has the kids or when someone can babysit. Well as you all know summer is crazy and my Saturdays are booked for the entire month of July. So I had to get creative with my temple attendance. By creative I mean not going on a Saturday. So I worked it out and went last night. I just wanted to share my story cause it made me think a little. I walked down the block and jumped on a train to Manhattan. On the train I read my Sheri Dew book. When I got off the train I turned my ipod on and cranked church music while I rode the subway and walked the couple of blocks to the temple. As I walked along Broadway listening to I know that my Redeemer lives I couldn't help but think how crazy it was to get on a train and a subway to get to the temple. I brought my book and I brought my ipod so I could try to prepare to enter the house of the Lord. Then I saw the Angel Moroni peaking out between the buildings and the smokers, cabs, and hoochie mamas on the street kind of just fell away and as I walked into the temple I wondered if I really needed to bring my Sheri Dew book or blast I know that my redeemer lives, cause upon entering the silence was thick and the spirit was strong and I couldn't think of a better place to be. After my session I stepped back into the world and caught a cab to Penn Station. I guess it just seemed a little odd to me to take all these trains and cabs and subways to go to the temple when I usually just drive. But when you live in New Jersey it's pretty easy and pretty normal even if you are going to the temple. Bottom line it doesn't matter how you get there and it may not even matter if you have the spirit with you when you walk in the door. It only matters that you do go and that you know no matter what the spirit will always be in His house, even in downtown Manhattan.

Happy 5th Birthday Xavier!!

Me and the birthday boy!

His dinner of choice, Capt'n crunch!

Presents

He's way excited here!

His mini cake.

Xavier is 5. It seems as though I'm not old enough to have a five year old. Yet here I am celebrating 5 years with him. Even though he has been going to pre school for the past 2 years there is something different about sending him this year to Kindergarten! It seems like he is so big and so old and needs me less and less! Xavier is an exceptional kid. He is so smart that it kind of freaks me out! He has an unbelievable memory that also freaks me and his teacher out! If he hears or see something 2 or 3 times it sticks! He is always saying the funniest things and saying the sweetest prayers. There is never a dull moment with him! He is a great big brother to Bella. Even though they wrestle and fight he is ever protective of her around other people and sometimes even me if she's getting in trouble! The last five years has flown by and I know the next will be a bigger whirl wind! I just fell so lucky and so blessed to have Xavier and his spirit in our home and to learn and grown from! I love you Xavier!!

Testimony

Yesterday at church was fast and testimony meeting, as most of you know. In our ward a lot of kids got up to bare theirs. Xavier of course was paying attention even though he is playing and you think there is no way he's paying attention! This is a gift I swear! Anyway he decided that it was his turn to talk. Bella was asleep on my lap so I didn't really want him to go up but you can't just say no! So I asked him what he was going to say and he gave me this whole schpeel about Jesus and families being together forever and all kinds of stuff. So I thought OK he's got it. So I told him if he wanted to go up then he needed to go sit on the stand and wait his turn. I really didn't think he would go alone but up he got and sat on the stand and waited his turn! When it was his turn he got up there and a woman from our ward was trying to help him but she is Spanish with a thick accent and he couldn't understand her. So with Bella asleep in my arms I went up and helped him with his testimony. I am glad that he wanted to do it. I am glad that he isn't afraid to stand in front of all those people. I'm glad he knows enough about the gospel that he can share it. I'm glad that the spirit can touch everyone. I'm proud of my little boy and the testimony that he is building.