Divorce

I know that blogs are full of happiness and rainbows and butterflies but sometimes life is just not that way. I have been blogging for a while and have been letting you all into my life for all this time and just can't seem to leave this post out as it is completely on my mind and is my life right now. Pedro and I have started our paper work to make our divorce finale. We have been separated for 2 1/2 years so we knew this was coming and it has not been a fight at all. I am grateful for that. It does seem pretty surreal however. I guess I never thought in a million years I would get a divorce. I never wanted to be that girl. I guess no one ever does. I'm grateful to be in a good place with Pedro. We are not friend friends right now but I know that with time we will be. We don't fight and we don't hate each other and I most definitely see this as a blessing. We do have 2 great kids that need the both of us and it is our job to work together to raise them right whether we are together or apart. Pedro has been carrying the financial burden all this time and will continue to until Bella is in school. I can't be more grateful for that. He has allowed me to stay home with my babies and raise them just as I had always wanted to! He could give me no greater gift! I have indeed been blessed! I also know that I am ready to be divorced. I have gone through these past 2 1/2 years being perfectly content with being at home with the kids and hanging with my friends and also taking the time to get myself straight and in a better place spiritually, physically, and mentally. I know I needed this time to myself to grow and rediscover who I am and what I want out of this life. My emotions have mellowed out a lot in this time, maybe that's just me getting older. I have also started to feel that pull to move on and for sure want to be loved again. I have never noticed all the people that are in love around me so much as I have in the past 2 months. Strangers really holding hands as they walk on the beach, couples in the temple or the church pews with their arms around each other and even people on dates at the movies. I'm pretty sure this is the universe talking to me saying I need to get on with my life and open myself up again and fall in love. Is it possible? I don't know but I don't really like the alternative either! So with a divorce date in the near future I am sad that I have lost a love that will never end but also never be back. I am happy that I will be able to move on. So bottom line I feel these two strong emotions that are complete opposite one from another and I guess that's what inspired me to write this down!